Letter time

Letter time, I think. Just for fun, because then I feel like I've actually done something, pressing this "Post" button.

Actually, you know what? Fuck it.

I am so sickened by all of this. By just every fucking travesty of a relationship that I was so misguided as to call a friendship, or something more. Funny how the two people who I put the most stock in as potential whatevers were the two who fucked my shit up the most.

Hahaaaa. It's also funny because if we had gotten together, and sex were to occur, I'd be fucked then too. I'm fucked regardless.

Hurrr durrr.

क्नोव

There are few states of mind more irresistible to an outsider than that of a person completely and happily in love, no matter the circumstance of anyone involved.

People in such affected conditions glow.

Fucking lulz.

So I made this for Anahi, for the second, just-for-lulz part of her present (the first one was just Senor Clooney and his troupe of Clooney Clones.) But this... this just turned out so perfectly. Ron's supremely blank expression, and how he and Harry are dancing next to each other most of the time, and Draco had the tattoo I wanted him to have, and his face! Clooney, of course, and Snape with his stripping, and Harry with his smirk, and lulz! xD

IT'S JUST TOO PERFECT. And should be good for a laugh later on in life.

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

Let's talk about some real shit.

It's funny how much better this stupid outlet makes me feel. As if anyone reads this. As if anyone cares about how I'm feeling or why I'm posting here. It's just some spark of conformity I've allowed myself, thrown into a pit alongside all the other sparks-- soon I'll realize that all I've got is this roaring fire. What happened to all your sparks, Viktorria?

I think true emptiness is a goal worth having, if you're willing to undertake it. It's the polar opposite of true happiness. Or true satisfaction. It's a peace in and of itself. There is no inner turmoil, figuring out how you feel-- there is no grace period for losses and defeats and negations by Nature and needy fucks. It just is.

That's not to say you don't achieve pleasure. Emptiness is not always bad. You've got to have nothing to appreciate having something. That's just the way this works.

This Emptiness is like the serenity of Death without dying.

We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

"By the light of the LED display of a VCR recorder
You kiss my neck, I whisper in your ear, "This is my downfall"
As you squint and you grimace, we both know your heart's not in it

By the glow of a thousand fireflies in a travelodge en-suite:
They think the future's bright as halogen, we know it's pretty bleak
And I'm trying to be sexy, biting at the air that falls in front of me.

Your telegrams are more and more less detailed by the day
And all the characters are strangers and the pubs have different names
I tell a joke that I'd like to meet them but they loathe me and I hate them back

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Fondness makes the absence longer
Length loses my interest, I'm a realist, I'm insatiable
Swapped counting days until I fly, with hours before your reply

You said he got his teeth fixed
I'm gonna break them
I've got a heart on fire
He said he's got his sights set
On getting to you
I've got a fist on fire

You feel terrified at the thought of being left behind
Of losing everybody, the necessity of dying
Oh, WE KID OURSELVES THERE'S FUTURE IN THE FUCKING,
BUT THERE IS NO FUCKING FUTURE
I'm just practising my accents, picking at old sutures

I taught myself the only way to vaguely get along in love
Is to like the other slightly less than you get in return
I keep feeling like I'm being undercut

Charlotte says, "It's more constructive than the one in Canada,
When you got drunk,
Ate loads of crisps
And threw up by a football pitch"
I know it is,
And really that's what worries me,
I feel like I should
Hurt.

You said he got his teeth fixed
I'm gonna break them
I've got a heart on fire
He said he's got his sights set
On getting to you
I've got a fist on fire

I cannot emphasise enough that my body
Is a badly designed, poorly put together vessel,
Harbouring these diminishing, so-called 'vital organs'
Hope my heart goes first,
I HOPE MY HEART GOES FIRST!

And
We are beautiful,
We are doomed."

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

I'M ON THE LOOSE! AHHHHHH!

So strange, I feel bouncy. I feel good, alive, the blood's pumping; I feel happy. It's weird being happy. All I had to do was cry and everything feels so good now, so fucking good, life's worth living, and everything is good. Crying was hard and nerve-wracking but this is good. So worth it.

Have I said good enough? I don't care, it's just so good! I don't even care that I have no money for prom, and my IB Assessments are coming up, and that I have grades and school and graduation to worry about. I don't even care! IT'S THAT GOOD.

I'm going to change. And change good. Heh. I'm sick of being so lonely. Absolutely sick of it. I'm sick of letting people leave me, and I never really realized that's what I was doing until it was pointed out to me. Why was I surprised that people left me? I made it so goddamn easy!

BRING IT ON, LIFE. I WILL WIN.