explanations

I don't know if I should post this. Because it's pretty late at night, and some say the moon affects your judgement. I know things always seem like a better idea at night. But maybe I need it, to release my inhibitions.

So I suppose I owe some people explanations. And so here I am.

First, I'm sorry. My brutal retaliation was pretty much backlash for so easily letting go of me, like our friendship meant nothing to you. Which I'm still wholly convinced it did. So congratulations for still having the hearts of our friends. And as for hers, well, as much as she says it's mine I know better. There's no way to win, for either of us. For any of us.

Secondly, to you I am also sorry. If I had known, I would have chosen to be your best friend, not the one you love, because then you could have had everything you wanted. I thought about it honestly, to myself, and I realized that I wouldn't handle things the way she did. But we're different people, it's to be expected. But I wish. I wish, for our sakes as well as yours.

Thirdly, I'm so glad you're getting away from this shithole. I want you to spread your wings and do things I can't imagine, go places I'll never go. Meet a cute boy and have a meaningful relationship in a short amount of time. Make up with your mom. Become a grown-up. Because lord knows one of us needs to.